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    探春的一生,称得上是波澜起伏。

    她出身公府之家,虽是庶出,却也娇生惯养,远胜寻常官宦人家的千金。

    她常常对府中的景况忧心不已,暗恨自己不是男人,不能出门建功立业,无法担起振兴家业的职责,为此,午夜梦回不知道叹息多少次。

    她极尊重嫡母,远着生母和同母弟弟,一是因为她的婚姻大事都拿捏在王夫人手里,她的母亲本来就只有王夫人一人,二是她极厌恶赵姨娘的鄙贱,贾环的狠毒,从他因嫉恨宝玉就将烛台倒向宝玉的脸就可以看出本性了,何况他后来又在贾政跟前进谗言,污蔑金钏儿之死乃是因宝玉强逼不成,令自小金尊玉贵的宝玉挨了一顿打,好几个月不得起身。

    探春自卑于出身,却又自傲于才情于心志,她和宝玉兄妹情深,费尽心思给他做鞋,又和宝钗亲密友爱,终于博得了王夫人的看重,不再顾及她是赵姨娘生的,并将管家理事这等要紧大事交给她和李纨料理。

    那时,她雄心勃勃,意图做出一番大事。谁知,不够几件事就磨灭了她的壮志雄心。

    王夫人命她和李纨管家,却又命宝钗监察,她心里明白王夫人对自己和李纨的不放心,以及对宝钗的喜爱和信任。事实证明,不管自己出的除宿弊之策如何好,最终的好名声皆落在了宝钗身上。三四次过后,她就没了心思,行事谨慎起来,万事不敢做主。

    她以为,王夫人这般信任她,定会给她一个终身,谁知,自己出去赴宴,得到许多人的夸赞,也有许多人家的询问,王夫人都以自己年幼为由婉拒了。

    二姐姐早早就订了亲,林姐姐只比自己大不到一个月,业已有了那样富贵双全的人家,就是史湘云没有父母,可史家两位侯爷和两位侯爷夫人也都替她选好了才貌兼备的世家子弟为婿,为什么只有自己如无根的浮萍,没有着落?

    渐渐的,她也对王夫人冷了心,即使面上一如既往的恭敬柔顺。

    可是,来不及了。

    一场风波,波及到了荣国府,波及到了他们所有人。

    宁国府没有了,荣国府也没有了,只剩贾赦一房屹立,隔房的大伯父,如何会对他们用心呢?何况,他们都已经成了罪人之身,除了惜春。

    落难之际,她面上平静,心里却是恨极了。

    为什么?同样都是贾家的女儿,同样都是贾敏的娘家侄女,为什么惜春能避开这场大劫,自己却要受罪?他们知道前景不好,救下了惜春,为什么不多一点慈悲,也救自己脱离苦海?明明自己才是贾敏嫡亲的内侄女,而惜春远了好几层啊?

    纵使她知道惜春恰逢丧父,有借口脱身,可她心里总是过不去那道坎儿。

    她是公府之家千金时,尚且没有终身,落魄为罪人之女,她还能憧憬未来吗?

    失魂落魄,心如死灰。

    这是落难后的她。

    大约是看在林家的面上,她们这些女眷都锁在后院里,又有姑妈的打点,没有遭受牢狱之灾,见到宝玉时,她暗暗庆幸,进了牢狱,哪个女眷还有清白?都说牢狱里乱得很,对那些女眷,尤其是年轻貌美者,没有清白依然的。

    就算如此,自己也没有将来了,没有谁会娶官奴之身的女子。

    在她打算出家,清守一世的时候,祖母的偶然之举,竟然成全了她!

    祖母资助了甄宝玉一笔财物,送其返乡,南安王妃很念旧情,特地过来说亲,说给南安王爷麾下的一名亲兵,一位落难的世家子弟,不像百姓之粗俗,没有下人之鄙贱,和自己一样的身份,谁都不用瞧不起谁,而那位亲兵很有可能脱籍为官。

    太好了,真是天降甘霖啊!

    南安王府的奴才都比寻常官宦尊贵,何况亲兵?必定是有前程的。

  

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